Project NICE Blog Two - Self Sabotage

Words James Ion

Month two is done and dusted, and let's cut to the chase: It was not good. Sickness, Christmas, and Self-Sabotage were the themes of this block. It should have been a time of progress and moving on, but it felt more like a catalogue of failures. Or maybe I am just being too harsh on myself. 

It all started promising, I finally, or so I thought, had a handle on my protein intake after help from Kate and keeping track of my diet, and it finally seemed like I was making strides in becoming a master of macros. Training was going well and I was making progress. Then I got sick. After a few chats with Toms we decided to keep going but at a much lower intensity and focus on filling me to the brim with Vitamin C and D but alas it just got worse and I felt like sh*t and boy did that suck. I imagine that most of you have been ill and not been able to train, and it always seems to come when you are doing well, like it is waiting, watching and then thinks “Right he is getting too big for his boots, let's knock him down a peg or two” and out comes the sickness and stops you in your tracks, mentally you know you can train, but the body just won't comply. That was setback number one.

Next up in this tri-vector of setbacks was the jolliest of jolly times, Christmas. Now don't get me wrong, I love Christmas and I had a great time, but I also fell into the trap of thinking, “Hey it’s Christmas, f*ck it! Let’s drink and eat loads!”  and this is absolutely fine and should probably be encouraged, because at the end of the day most of us are not professional athletes and we can afford to let our hair down, especially at Christmas. The mistakes I made were, one, I was still a bit sick so eating a lot of unhealthy food was not going to help, two, due to having been sick I had not trained much so I was losing fitness and three I started to self-sabotage, but more on that in a bit. Any self-control that I had was just out the window and ate and drank like a king of kings, and I had a nice time and enjoyed myself with my family and never once felt bad about it because it was ok to do, now and then of course. It was only after the fact that I realised I had overindulged, and only then did I feel bad about it.

But surely there were some positives you ask? Yes, of course, the main one being supported by Toms and Kate. Having such knowledge on my side is pretty awesome, especially when I was sick as Toms was able to change my plan to fit my availability and to reflect my health. Kate, as always, kept me on track and pointed out where I needed to focus in terms of daily nutrients. My strength training has now become more specific with an emphasis on single leg and stabilisation exercises based on the program Toms has developed for World Tour riders, so I will be as good as them soon! Equally, as the month closed out my time in the saddle became longer and I have noticed that my cardio and muscular endurance are getting better. Now in January at the start of month three, I have renewed hope that I am back on track with both training and nutrition.     

Self-Sabotage

I wanted to take a bit more time to look at self-sabotage as, I imagine, it is something that probably affects a lot of us. We all have goals and we all want to achieve them, whatever they are I would hazard a guess that only a very small percentage of people achieve them. I am talking grand scheme here, there are obviously people who do, but how many times have you achieved your goal, especially in fitness? I know on numerous occasions I have set out detailed plans with realistic goals, only to either give up, fail, or just completely miss the mark. 

I have every reason in the world to achieve my goals right now, I have fantastic coaches and support from sponsors like HRSH and Wahoo. I have access to some of the best GRVL racers in the world who I can ask for advice. I am privileged enough to live in a place where I can train free of traffic and with hundreds of km of countryside. I have a job that allows me enough time to train and amazing support from my family. So why would I self-sabotage? It makes no freakin sense!

Self-sabotage is defined as “the act or habit of behaving in a way that interferes directly with one’s own goals, well-being, relationships, etc., as by comfort eating, procrastination, or lashing out at others”. Now before I go on, I am not a psychologist and this is only about my training, if you are struggling with this problem especially if it is affecting more than just your sport, then make sure to talk to someone. 

So why do we do it? There are so many different reasons and each of them is individual. It comes down to understanding your past experiences or influences. For me, I think it might have more to do with fear of failure and feelings of insecurity, that I am kidding myself I could achieve such things. This is the rub with me as I am pretty self-aware and can recognise when I am doing it, but I still do it anyway, which is very annoying. So how can I turn it around? 

Around Boxing Day I made a conscious decision to actually listen to my self-awareness and to start zeroing in on daily goals. I tend to fixate on the big goal and imagine how that will feel which means I lose sight of the here and now and lack mindfulness, which makes it easier to mess up today as the big goal is so far away. However, due to this it never gets any closer which only makes the cycle of goal-setting and self-sabotage continue on his merry-go-round of mediocrity. So I came up with a little quote (it has probably been said before by much greater thinkers than I), that goes;

“Dreams will remain dreams if you don't achieve the goals you set yourself each day”

To caveat this, your daily goals don't have to be extreme, they can be simple like ‘get 8 hours sleep’, ‘don't eat crisps’ or ‘ride your bike’. If I can get these small wins each day they will eventually turn into victories and my dreams will become goals I can achieve. I recognise that sounds a bit hippyish but so far it is helping, whenever I have thoughts of self-sabotage I remember that I should focus on today and it stops me in my tracks. It is early days but hopefully, in the next blog I won't be so negative or down on myself.

What’s next?

I have finalised my race calendar! I have also officially entered my first race The Marly Gav in Valenburg! The season will look like this:

23 March - Turnhout Gravel Belgium

11 May - Marly Grav Race - Netherlands

12 July - Gravel One Fifty - Netherlands

Gravel One Fifty will remain the A race to try and qualify for Nice, but who knows I could get my place in March! 

I have been meeting with a few other potential supporters and hopefully should have a few more people and companies on board by the next blog. Expect also an interview with Toms and with Kate to get some tips for your training. 

As always thank you for reading and if you have any questions or thoughts just get in touch!

See you next month!